/F/resh Kills Landfill

[SpikeOtacon]

(This was an idea generated by the shit fanfic idea generator. I just went with it...)

Europe thought they saw the end of the Rugrats in paris....

NOW...

They're back, and they have a diaper load of C4, waiting for YOU!

This summer: Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala, and Po will have to enter a world unlike any they've seen before...
"la la!"
"No, that's a car!"
...to stop a terrorist threat so small they can't even use the urinal.




Tommy Pickles entered the building gingerly, using his youthful disguise to act as a wandering child of a parent in line at the bank. He knew it was his job to make it to the safe and plant the poop shaped C4 on the vault door so they could get the money they needed to further fund their terrorist plot.
"It's ok tommy, this is just like on the playground!" he said to himself.

Meanwhile...

"Lala!" said la la worriedly
"Tinky...Tinky WINKY!!" Tinky Winky chimed franticly.
"Poeeeeeeeeee..." Poe wondered.
"Dip-SY!" Dispy declared.
"Eh-ohhhhhhhhh!" the four of them chimed in at once. They knew that Tommy was a bigger threat than they imagined. They had to get to the bank at once!

--------------

Tommy slowly waddled his way towards the back of the counter. Once there, he would have to slip past several security guards and enter the vault chamber without being spotted by security cameras. This was going to be a tough job, perhaps one that one baby could not do by himself.

"A baby's gotta do... what a baby's gotta do!" He assured himself. It worked in so many other episodes, it just had to work for this one! He continued to carefully step around the adults who were in line doing whatever it was adults did to put money in a bank. It was especially hard with the sheer amount of C4 poop nuggets in his diaper. It was certainly the largest load his butt had ever had to carry, and he had laid some stinkers in the past.

Tommy noticed that the front desk actually had a small section he could crawl under, presumably the top part would be lifted up to allow the tellers to exit at the end of the day. He decided he'd take that route, using his size to his advantage.

"I'll show ANGELICA that a guy being small isn't so embarassing after all!" he said under his breath as he tucked and rolled under the desk.

------------------

"Poe!" Po exclaimed, pointing to the map on the wall.
"Tinky Winky?" Tinky Winky asked, puzzled.
"Dipsy, dipsy eh oh?" Dipsy asked.
"La La, La LA." lala stated. They knew what they had to do.

------------------

"blegh, feet smell!" Tommy began to gag from the putred gutwretching scent. The carpet under the desk was revolting. He looked down row to see 5 teller spots, each with feet reaching out. There were also people walking around behind the desks filing paperwork. Further back towards the 4th pair of feet was a door that led back to a security office, and through that office, the hallway to the vault chamber.

Queing up the Mission Impossible theme in the back of his head, Tommy slowly crawled to the foot area next to his entrance, taking careful aim not to bump the pair of stickly women's legs that protruded from out under the desk. They were still, so he was able to wiggle past them and into the next foot area. This time a pair of men's legs in dress pants stuck out. They were moving, a foot tapping to some unheard beat. Tommy was nervous, but he bobbed his head to this evergoing beat until he had it ingrained in his head like a war drum, then he timed his action carefully. He slung himself across from one side to the other side of the feet in a daring move. Had he done it just a second off, he would have bumped the legs and it would have been game over.

Now time for legs 3...

-----------------

The teletubbies all stood on the corner of the road, trying to wave down a cab with little success. Rather, drivers sped past them faster, calling out phrases like "freak of nature", "quadrouple nigger" and "rejected sports mascots."
"Dipsy..." Dispy hung his head in shame.
"La, La La?" La La tried to cheer dipsy up.
"Tinky Winky." Tinky Winky tried to think.
"Po?" Poe asked. All of the teletubbies looked at Po excitedly.
"Po!" They all cheered in unison, and activated their reality distortion fields and ran really really fast in a stop-motion fashion.

-------------------

Tommy was now under the 4th pair of legs, slowly crawling under them to reach the edge. He knew he had to make a dash for the open security door, but his timing was key. He had to pick a time that no one was walking across or looking. He craned his head out, then he remembered that he was a baby and had almost no neck whatsoever. He decided to try somersaulting across the way, since he could fling his body faster than he could run. He'd just have to be careful not to spill any Pooplastic Explosive.

He geared himself back like a cat ready to pounce. He took a deep little baby breath and flung himself forward and tucked under. His body curled up and his momentum flung him into the security room without anyone noticing the little flesh ball that zipped past. He landed on his back, but quickly got up and looked behind him. No spillage. That was good. He then looked up to see one lone security guard tucked in the corner of the room looking at a series of monitors for the security system. No one else was there but him, and there were no other security guards in the cameras.

"Perfect!" Tommy looked around for a way to knock out the guard or keep him distracted enough. He looked around for what he had to work with. He noticed the guard's shoelaces were untied, and he didn't seem to have any attention paid to his legs. Tommy crawled to under the guard's shoes, and began his master work. His little fingers tied those shoes together lightning fast.

----------------

The teletubbies were still several blocks away from the bank, but they were doing their best to break the laws of physics to get there before the real law was broken!

----------------

Tommy crawled out from under his target's legs and looked for something to call the guard's attention to. Tommy saw a coffee machine on the other side of the room that had a cord dangling down to the wall socket behind it. Tommy knew that adults loved coffee, so it would be a double hit if the machine fell, which may cause the guard to act worse and cause a better fall. He crept over to the machine and jumped up, getting a firm grasp on the cord before tugging with all of his 15 pounds of weight. The coffee machine came to the edge and teetered there. Tommy moved out of the way and gave the cord one last tug, and bolted towards the security door.

CRASH!

The coffee machine spilled its contents all over the floor, and created a big enough distraction to make the guard turn around.

"Oh no!" he cried. Tommy saw the guard's nametag, Alex.

"Alright Alex, let's see ya come to 'er rescue."

Alex's face was full of pain as his daily lifeline was now on the ground in pieces. He tried to take a panicked step but his force was "tied down" by Tommy's masterwork. He fell to the ground with a resounding thud, having the wind knocked out of him. The guard lay on the ground stunned, and Tommy made a mad dash for the vault door.

----------------

Almost there, the teletubbies put an extra hitch in their giddy-up.
"Eh oh!" they cried. They could sense that time was running out.

----------------

Tommy ran down the hallway as fast as his little pudgy child legs could take him. Soon he came face to face with the bank's vault door.

"Sealed shut to protect the goods inside from bad guys like Obama Bin Laden and Sadsam Hussien, no doubt." Tommy proclaimed to himself. He knew this was it. He reached down and took off his diaper, eyeing the payload of Pooplastic Explosives Phil and Lil had rigged up. it was C4 nuggets, primed, coated in poop. The ultimate stealth. he grabbed a chunk and slapped it on the bottom of the vault door. He grabbed another chunk and slapped it to the side. He quickly covered the very bottom of the door and some of the locking mechanism with the sticky, stinky explosive. He grabbed the detonator from his diaper and put the diaper back on. He was sure that the explosion may cause him to need it.

Tommy assumed the fetal position down the hall, and pushed the detonate button.

POP, CRACK.... BOOM!

The sound of the door sliding off and falling down echoed down the hall. Tommy ran to the door and crawled inside. The sight was one his eyes were almost too young to understand. Banknotes, large patches of bills, bonds, gold, jewelry... it was all here! Tommy started to stuff his diaper with some of the gold and bigger bills, praying that he didn't evacuate his bowels from the thunderous explosion. The bank was noisy up front, he had to make his escape quickly. Tommy bolted from the vault and ran outside. No one was in the hall yet, he had time to dip into a doorway or something. He saw a men's bathroom and rushed to it, pushing open the door with great effort. He fell inside, just as a man came rushing towards the door mumbling to himself about what the noise was. He spotted Tommy and looked down at him.

"Hey what are you doing down here little fella? How did you even get back here?" He questioned furiously, but his tone improved when he saw Tommy's genius plan kicking in. Tommy started to tear up and sniffle. "Oh no, it's alright little guy, we'll just take you up front to see your parents while this mess gets sorted out." Tommy let out a small cry but the man quickly shhhh'd him. "And if you behave, maybe we can get you a lolipop when the adults are done figuring out what that noise was!"

Tommy liked lolipops.

He shut his mouth instantly. "There there, that's more like it." The man said. He exited the bathroom as a crowd of people, including Guard Alex, were gathered by the vault doorway. The man holding Tommy set him down and ran to the end of the hallway, shouting many a foul word that Tommy was not quite familiar with. Tommy decided that, lolipop or not, this was his best chance to run for the door and out of there. As he turned to the security room to make his way to the front of the bank, he heard Alex cry out.

"POOPFISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST! I KNOW THIS IS YOUR WORK!"

-------------------

The teletubbies turned the corner and saw the bank, as well as the crowd that gathered outside of it. They warp-speeded over to the bank and looked. There were lots of adults, but nary a toddler to be spotted. They stayed in the crowd to make sure they weren't just missing him from all of the panic but Tommy was long gone.

"EH OH!"

End Chapter
_________________